M6:33

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."- Matthew 6:33

So. Yeah.
For reals, I have so much on my mind right now I don't even know how to put it all down to make any sense, whatsoever. I just finished one of the best books I have ever read,
Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers. If you have not read it yet, go to the bookstore NOW!
Anyways. Bottom line, it was amazing and it really portrays God's love in every way possible.

This past semester, I can honestly say I have never questioned God so much in my entire life. The whole Romans 8:28 thing has been the hardest concept to swallow. Lately however, I have been understanding more and more about the people God uses in our lives. Some are ungodly, some are extremely random, some strangers, and some amazing. God can use absolutely anyone to accomplish His plan for us, in our lives.
Not only does he use people, but he uses situations too.
I think it is absolutely insane how God never ceases to teach me something through every bit of hardship I go through. He has really shown me, these past couple of months, to be thankful for them, to find beauty in them, and to learn from it, because they all have a purpose.
After truly accepting everything I went through these past couple of years, saw the changes He made in my life, and realized I overcame what I once thought was impossible, because of Him, I let myself think He was done preparing me.
Without realizing it, I sort of shut Him out then in a way. Stopped fully listening, and fully seeing.
I guess you could say I was at a jogging pace in my race.
It's funny how God uses our vulnerable spots to break us.
When He opened my eyes to someone, by seeing Him in that person, the first thing I did was question Him.
I was completely shut off to breaking down any walls and doing the whole trust ordeal, with anyone besides my Jesus, after all I had been through.
I remember specifically saying, "God, you're real funny. Butterflies are my weakness and YOU KNOW THIS! so why??"
crickets.
Anyways, as time went on the walls dropped (I don't even think I had a chance of keeping them up if I tried), and by doing so, I grew to know an awesome person living full out with HIM and for HIM.
& one thing he constantly reminded me of was Matthew 6:33. Actually, forgetting that verse would be impossible now..

There is a passage in Redeeming Love that made everything even more clear

and even strengthened my faith a good amount.

"..only he had opened himself to be used in her life by Christ. Through him, Christ had been able to fill her until she was overflowing. He had always said it happened because of God; now she knew that was true."

God used one of His faithful servants to break down my walls.

"She was doing good with her life, and it was all because of him, because of what she has seen in him. 'Seek and ye shall find,' he'd read to her, and she had. Maybe if she found a way to tell him, it would give him peace."

God gives and He takes away.
Ever since my walls fell I have started running again.
Heartache and unanswered questions made me run faster.
I spent that past month so confused and frustrated I couldn't dig in His word enough. By doing so, I grew hungry.
The more you read, the more you know, the more you know, the more you grow.
God answers prayers. Even the ones where we are basically yelling the question whyyyy over and over again.
My pace in the race was unacceptable.
And with my walls up I could not see my own speed (kinda weird but it makes sense in my head, ha sorry).
M6:33 is the way I write it on the corner of my hand every day, to remind me I am still running that race and to keep my eye on the prize.
I am thankful for the way God works for the good of His children.
I am thankful for his obedient servants.

Just like the passage in Redeeming Love, because of what I had seen in that person, I seek and I find and I allow Christ to fill me to overflow. .something I wasn't fulfilling to the max before.
Through this past semester I have learned to trust again, to keep building my faith, and to start my day off every day with falling in love with Him all over again.
Why is not my question anymore, it is what...

I know what I want. Oh, God, I know. But what do you want me to do?

Ephesians 5:10 tells us to find out what the Lord's will.
That is what He wants.
"Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." vs. 15-20

mmm verse 17..I had become foolish without even realizing it. I forgot to continue to understand and know what the Lord's will is with my walls up.
Like I said, I let myself think He was done preparing me.
I felt like I was strong enough and there wasn't really anything else he could strengthen me against.
eh-wrong.
By losing that barrier, I listen and see so much more.
He isn't done writing my story yet:)
Don't ever be content with your pace in the race.
Open up your hearts, lay down your guard, and do not be afraid.
Thank goodness I left that jog pace in the dust.
I be dead sprintin now.
holllaaaaa whats up good lookin prize!